Sacrificial death of self manifests itself in strange and unforeseen ways. As I prayed for a friend this morning I envisioned that person struggling with understanding and reconciling personal difficulties that have come with the faith and willingness to step out in obedience to God and lay his life out for the Great Shepherd. What did he get in return? Personal and profoundly deep emotional struggles within his own family. Here is someone who no doubt, like Peter, said, ‘Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death.’ Little did Peter know that his willingness would demand death of self. What did that death of self mean? When Peter realized he had fulfilled Jesus’ prediction that he would deny him three times he would learn what death to self meant…it meant somehow maintaining a thread of a hold on life (unlike Judas who took his own life when he realized the depth of the act of his betrayal of the Lord) while dying to self. Who has struggled profoundly and not suppressed the nagging doubts about the faithfulness of the Lord? Does this seem like ‘denial’ of sorts when these thoughts creep into your mind? It doesn’t take the Lord by surprise. He is ready to confirm the relationship, as he did with Peter on the shore the day he gave him his commission to feed his flock, ‘Do you love me? Feed my sheep.’ Peter’s life and his ‘self’ would be in the Lord. Dying to self means giving up all expectations and living for Jesus despite the battles and the personal failures. I would like to tell my friend that his struggles for understanding the failures within his own family are just the flesh (and the enemy using the flesh) trying to make a come back. God is able to make all things right. He does not necessarily give us an answer for the troubles we encounter as we step out for him, and he certainly does not give us a ‘free pass’ from personal struggles and even failures as we step out and serve him. In fact, for those who would be ready to go to ‘prison and to death’ for the Lord, they may get what they are willing to take for the Lord. But that death of self releases the divine power of the Holy Spirit within to accomplish more for God than could possibly be accomplished when the flesh continues to assert itself. In what may appear to be weakness, the Lord will be strong. In fact, leaning on him is right where he wants us, weak and in need of him, so that his power may be made manifest. So, “How do we lay down our lives for our (his) sheep? In what ways do we ‘die every day’? By following the slain lamb. No servant is greater than his master. He goes before us…