Being more of a goat

[Jamie]

“As we reflect on ourselves in different organizational settings…�: This meditation has prompted some serious soul-searching in me, given the events of the last six years of my life. As I’ve reflected on the two ministry meltdowns I have witnessed, I’ve been asking God, “What are you trying to say to me thru all this?� Without taking on any responsibility for those two men’s tragic and destructive choices, and without being self-deprecating, my gut response to all that I’ve been thru is, “I don’t want to be a sheep anymore.� That may sound heretical, but it feels really right to me right now. What I’m saying is that I don’t want to blindly and uncritically follow human leaders anymore. In a way, my tendency towards people-pleasing, allowing others to direct my thoughts, emotions, and even my destiny “set me up� for these situations. It seems as is if God is redemptively using these train wrecks to teach me – the hard way – to trust Him more than anyone else. My primary task is to learn to follow the Good Shepherd Himself. Rightly or wrongly, I will not be so quick to follow human shepherds again.
Tim, you say that you recognize that you are a goat. I guess what I’m seeing – much to my dismay at times – is that I’m a sheep. And it seems that a huge part of my sanctification journey right now is to learn to become more of a goat – not in the final, eschatological sense a la Matt 25, but in the sense of exercising more personal leadership, not being so quick to trust human shepherds. (And I’ve met a few goats who could stand to be a bit more submissive and compliant at times, but I guess that’s part of their sanctification journey…�)

[ohbe8]

I think we don't view "train wrecks" as having any value. But God does use them to teach us. I am thinking of two previous churches where I was in leadership positions and it is frightening to realize the similarities of the leadership personalities. Both leadership styles revolved around controlling money and finances for personal advantages. Thinking back, all the signs were there for one leader. But people placed the individual on such a high level that they would not consider the possibility. Ten years later, the real truth has emerged and it is ugly!

If I don't learn from these situations, I need help. I pray to God to save me from ever stooping to the point that these leaders did.