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ShepherdLeader.com Forum Index -> While Shepherds Watch Their Flocks -> Day 26: Guard Yourselves
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GCTSGRice



Joined: 17 Mar 2010
Posts: 6
Location: Oxford, MA

PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 6:32 pm    Post subject: Trustworthy? Reply with quote

Day 26 – Guard Yourselves
I want to be a trustworthy shepherd, perhaps more than anything else. Words of commendation are so very important to me, because I speak a love language of affirming words. I cannot conceive of being someone that people cannot trust, and yet that is exactly what happened to me in an incident several years ago now. A major rift developed in the church I serve. Through it all I managed to keep focused on the issues at hand and keep my head above water, until I was told I was not trustworthy. That was like a dagger in my side, a severe and nearly fatal blow to my pride and self-worth. Could I not be trusted to shepherd the flock? These were the thoughts that came flooding into my mind when I read Tim Laniak’s reading for Day 26. I felt like the guard who had somehow become the enemy, incapable of being trusted with the care and protection of the sheep. Was I guilty of “fleecing” the sheep for the sake of my own agenda? Did I truly care about the sheep or was I using the sheep to serve my own appetite? Worse still, was I the enemy of the sheep, ready to steel or eat the sheep if given a chance? Thankfully, none of these accusations were true, and fortunately for the sake of the sheepfold, none of these issues was ever raised very far by the person making the initial accusation. But the “damage” had been done. I was an emotional mess for a short time, questioning my ability to effectively minister further among this flock, until I saw what the Lord wanted me to see. The challenge caused me to ask questions about my motives, similar to Laniak’s probing question. “Do I exist to serve the sheep and their Shepherd, or do they exist to serve me?” I can tell you that this incident also challenged me to reconsider my values, so that I would not “become captive to ideas [I] once resisted….” Further, I resolved to completely trustworthy by becoming more transparent with people, something that I loathed in others who would bare their soul at the drop of a hat. My reticence to open up and let people see my heart was clearly an underlying problem in me, and one issue that prompted the initial statement. I think I have found the “sober self-scrutiny” required to keep the “inner-wolf” at bay. What was in the darkness of my own soul has been brought into the light of the Good Shepherd and dealt with by His grace. I am now on guard for myself and for the flock under my care, and I find that the latter is more probable when the former is the priority it should be for one who serves as an under-shepherd of God’s flock.
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